it's not you I'm looking at...

The politics are dancing

I hate talking about politics. My dad is in politics and when he comes out to visit I'm fond of saying, "in my house you live by my rules and that means no politics".
But this is kind of an interesting article.

By way of Beckman.

At the movies

You know those ads they've been playing before movies lately, the ones where they take some guy that does carpentry or stunts or something of the like for the movie and they get him to put on his best feel sorry for me face and talk about how stealing movies is taking bread out of his kids mouth?
Disgusting if you ask me.

The corporate fat cats are worried about a reduction in the massive amount of money they make. They're just using the little guy to play on the publics sympathies. The line that takes the cake for me is at the end when they flash some text on the screen that says "Movies, they're worth it". Clearly, the general public is beginning to say, "no, they're not worth $9 and the popcorn isn't worth $7 either". Perhaps the industry should start listening to it's audience.

Reminds me of the record industry. On that note, here's a very interesting article about iTunes and what that means for artists. I say support artists by going to live shows. They actually get paid for that. Buy a beer at the venue. The venue pays the artist, by supporting the venue, you support the artist. Better yet, buy a t-shirt directly from one of the band members. And then continue to download as much music and introduce it to as many friends as possible.

Nimiety of interests

I want to study photography, build a darkroom in my basement, develop my own prints, understand lenses and shutter speeds and light meters and the like...

...but only to take that one picture.

I want to go back for my computer science degree, learn the latest algorithms, create variables, objects with inheritance, get intimate with while loops...

...but only to create that one website that does neat tricks.

I want to study architecture, cut my teeth at the drafting table, pour over plans on light tables, discuss elevations, light sources and plot positioning...

...but only to build that dream beach house.

I want to take voice lessons, get callouses on my fingers from learning the guitar, be able to talk deftly about chord progressions and key shifts and such...

...but only to play that one rock show.

I want to learn Spanish completely, immerse myself with conjugations and verb tenses, talk past present and future with equal ease...

...but only to read that one Borges poem in the original language... uh, ok, and to be able to say something other than "hola" to that cute Spanish girl on the Madrid subway.

I want to lock myself in the attic, pour over an old typewriter, write that transitioning novel I've thought about so much...

...but only for the pride of saying I've written a book.

I want to ...

...but I can't seem to do any one thing.

Hatsue

She definitely passes "the mom test". Passport photo of Donna's Mom.

Not my virtue

It's not like I ever had that much, I mean, I'm no Job. At one point though, I felt like I had some amount of patience and now, well, it's a pretty short fuse. This is key when the conversation turns to "hey hansen, you gonna have any kids?" - increasing frequency these days it seems as the kid bug - or disease has hit so many in my immediate vicinity. I think to myself, "no way do I have the patience for kids".
But then I play with our neighbor, the 1.5 year old Anna B. With that high pitched laugh, those insanely cute dimples and mischievious grin and I think...maybe, just maybe....

Don't blink.

Yesterday I'm riding my motorcyle in the amazing sunny weather. Today it's snowing like mad, 3 inches and rising....

American Fast Food

Man eats nothing but McDonalds for every meal for a month and gets - shock - sick and fat.

Not a bad documentary idea though, huh?

By way of KellySue. I don't know her.

No piggy bank

When Karen O. of the Yeah, Yeah, Yeah's sings, "I wish I could buy back, the woman you stole" I get a pang in my side.

So many things I'd like to buy back.

Voyeur

It's probably a case of jonesin' for a trip around the world, but I keep looking at other peoples travel blogs, the africa tours etc. Finding this one I feel a bit like I'm peeking into someone's blog just for their friends. But how nice, hitting SF, LA, Fiji, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore. And they're from the UK. And the fish pictures are fun.

Christmas in Florida

Ah, like brother like sister.

I had planned to write a bunch about trip, but instead, just look at the pictures...

Mediocrity

Found this quote in a fun Salon article by way of Cameron.

"Going from this phone pool to that, slacking off in school, living for the now, and swimming in the tepid victories of the past, never giving a moment's consideration to the fact that I might outlive my lethargic happiness."

'Swimming in the tepid victories of the past' that's awesome...

I have this theory that the world catches up. At some point no matter how smart you think you are, without continued effort, the world will catch up to you - no matter what your natural talent is.
I was a smart 5th grader. I was in advanced reading classes, the top math group, tested well on whatever the standardized flavor of that year was etc. Turns out being a smart 5th grader doesn't really last that long. Sure it helped me coast through Jr. High, by high school I didn't worry about grades anymore. As for college, perhaps it helped me do well enough on college entrance exams that I got into, well, got into a small private liberal arts college that was basically just happy to have another paying customer. There I met people much, much smarter than me, they were probably smarter in 5th grade too, but even still, they kept at it, kept working, kept expanding their brains where I tended to "swim in the tepid victories of the past" - and how much more tepid could being a smart 5th grader be? Still, I limped through in my "lethargic happiness".

Yes indeed, the world catches up - and passes by. Can't rest on the past. I better get busy...

Rah Team.

Spending the day with my nephews snowboarding yesterday I learned yet another negative side effect of team sports on the youth of today.
Team sports seem to encourage blaming other people for things going wrong. The ref's suck, the coach made bad calls, Joey didn't call time out soon enough, Timmy should've made that easy shot and so on.

It's not about taking responsibility for themselves such as, "I guess I should have practiced more" or even teamwide, "I guess our team isn't as good and we need to try harder". It's too easy to believeably blame someone else. That believability is key I think. With individual sports you can blame the golf club or the snow conditions but really, it starts sounding pretty hollow. It's a poor man that blames his equipment and eventually it's harder to believe.
The bummer is, this whole lack of responsibility gets deadlier as you get older. If at an early age you learn to blame the ref for failure, why not your boss for not getting the raise, or a interviewer "out to get me" for not getting the job - or the hundred other ways people push off responsibility.

Not to say my nephews blamed others all day, they actually did a fine job at learning to snowboard and both did very well. It's just occasionally, I could hear that creeping in to why they fell or couldn't turn or whatever. And not just on the hill, but in their conversations about basketball and football and basketball and basketball and....

art and mind

Why does it seem like art has to come from suffering?

Had an interesting talk with an old friend last night about, well all kinds of things really, construction, art, depression, and which laptop to buy among others. In the interest of understanding a friend better she's been doing some reading on being bi-polar and depression in general.

An Unquiet Mind as one example and several others. She explained that there are apparently many cycles to depression some that last years and other more micro cycles that happen within a day. Apparently, most everyone that struggles with depression tends to be at their lowest point in the morning. This is part of the reason structure is so good at combating depression. If you have to get up and go to a job, meeting, or something, you'll likely get on autopilot, get going and kind of force your way through that low point. Without this, there is risk of, well staying in bed all day. It seemed like a really timely discussion based on the day I had.
Big plans to get up at 8 which I missed and was irritated at myself for still being groggy at 9:30. I then grabbed my laptop, surfed, answered email and got more irritated for still being in bed at 10:30. And that sort of killed the day, after that I felt behind, like I didn't have time to do/start what I wanted to and I generally pissed the rest of the day away doing insignificant errands.

So I figure I've got to start setting up breakfast meetings. Early ones. Any takers?

World overland...

Dang, and I thought going across Africa was a big goal, check these people out...and they are about halfway through.... Not too sure what I think of that vehicle though...seems kinda huge.

It is indeed hard and cold

Reality that is. And it has struck. Today thanks to a $1200 repair bill for the trooper. But it's been creeping up the back of my spine for the last month and a half or so. Somethings going to have to give. I'm either going to have to start making some money or...well...no, there aren't really any other acceptable options. The way it looks today, in my depressed just got off the phone with the mechanic mood, I'm going to have to get an actual, shudder, job. Part of me wonders what I've been thinking this whole time, that something would just somehow 'come up' and cover me financially. I mean, it's not like I've even been trying that hard to create something, I've mostly just wanted it to happen magically.

You had to follow a link to this because it's going to be boring. There, that's your 2nd warning.
It's frustrating. I don't want to work in the traditional sense of the word. I just don't want to. But, that's kind of like saying I want to be a rock star - oh yeah, and I can't sing or play and no, my looks are neither that good or that bad. Point is, it's just not very reasonable. I can't just work on my own house and somehow expect money to flow in. I don't think I'm lazy, although some of my friends might argue this point. I just hate doing stuff I don't want to do. But doesn't everyone? I mean, c'mon, everyone works right? Everyone hits the daily commute, some sort of cube or stall or store and just plain old works - so why should I be able to escape that? No rich family, no wise investing pre internet bubble burst, no secrets to long life, nada.

So? Suggestions? Anyone hiring?

Fragments

JT, I think you should buy Rachel this shirt.

Another driving trip I'd love to do sometime, traveling Africa overland. What an amazing trip. And look at this quote I lifted from their site:

"A man of ordinary talent will always be ordinary, whether he travels or not; but a man of superior talent (which i cannot deny myself to be without being impious) will go to pieces if he remains forever in the same place" ~ Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

What's it like when you realize your best years, that is the years when you are the strongest, fastest and smartest, are over?

Sometimes I think I've been deprecated.

New Year

The summary of my new years resolutions?
Function on a higher level.

That includes a whole host of things, like reading more, spending more hours of the day awake, etc. We'll see.